Let go, and let me

Heart and compassion compliment each other profoundly. A compassionate heart is like breathing to some, a burden to others, and yet foreign to many more. As the post voices below, to Chasity, compassion is a quality she collects in spades and gives unselfishly.

Elementary school, 4th grade gym class. My class was sitting with their backs against the bleachers, which were pulled in to make space available for more than one class playing at a time.  We had gotten done with gym class and were waiting for the bell to ring to send us back to home room.

I was sitting quietly still trying to hide the new tennis shoes my Mom and Dad had bought me the day before.  I was wearing them reluctantly because I had my suspicions that my classmates would notice they were different and attack. The wildcat blue shoes had a bright yellow swoosh that resembled a Nike’s but it was backwards.

Earlier that morning I had pleaded with both parents that they weren’t like everyone else’s shoes and “they” (the kids at school) were going to notice.  My mom said something to the effect of, “Oh, Honey, no they won’t. They look so good.” Even at that age I realized my parents had done the best they could so, I sucked it up and marched off to the 4th grade in my bright blue and yellow “sort of” Nike shoes.

As I sat there at the end of gym class, I thought to myself, “I made it”!  No one has noticed my shoes.  Most of the day is behind me.  I took a deep breath and smiled.  As I looked down the line at my class, some boys were crawling around not able to stay still.  I caught eyes with one.  We locked eyes and then I watched in slow motion as his eyes looked at my shoes.  I looked at my shoes then back at him and watched his mouth start to utter the words I was hiding from all day.  At a volume the entire line of kids could hear, “Where’d you get those shoes?”  ”Those aren’t Nike.”  ”Those look like Goodwill shoes.”  he started to get laughs and attention so the remarks continued.

I remember this story every time I struggle to find purpose and identity. How long have you struggled hiding the shoes you thought everyone would make fun of?

My aunt, who oddly enough is only two years older than me, was my idol.  I followed her everywhere.  Whatever she did I wanted to do.  When she entered the seventh grade she went out for basketball, so I did too.  And much to my surprise, I was good at it.  Dribbling, passing, shooting, defense, I picked it up and excelled at the technique quickly.  By the end of my 5th grade season, as a Red Hot, my team depended heavily on my skills to help us be successful.

I’ll never forget being late to one of the games and when I came in the door my coach smiled really big and said, “Thank goodness! Boy, did we need you to get here!”  I thought, WOW, what an awesome feeling.  This is so sweet.  I always want to be good at this.  I always want to be needed.

While playing High School basketball, I delivered. I had managed to develop a talent, sharpen a skill.  Peers where amazed and trying to catch up to my athletic ability.  If I had worn those blue and yellow backward Nike swoosh tennis now…everyone would want a pair.  Coaches celebrated and my parents were proud.  I had found my identity.

Obviously, I have or have had other identities.  I am an older sister, the oldest daughter.  I have been a wife, I am a coach, and business owner…but nothing has guided my life quite like being an athlete.  This one piece of my life has helped build my character and strengthen me physically and mentally.  It has socialized me and taught me how to play as a team.  It taught me how to fall and work harder.  It brought the calm of victory and satisfaction in exhausting all I had.

What has become your identity? Mom or Dad? Successful business owner? Wife or husband? Being known as strong with the right answers? Being independent of needing anyone?

There is a childhood Bible song that goes;

“I’m yours Lord, everything I am, everything I’m not. I’m yours Lord, try me now and see, see if I can be completely yours.”

I’ve been going to bed and waking up with my identity for so long.  I seek it’s comfort with…”Lord, just one more year here, just one more month, just one more experience.”  But HE whispers, “I have plans for you daughter.  Let go and let me.”

Strength:

Two Arm DB Row
3×10
-Alternating with-
Max Support hold for seconds
3xMax time

For Time:

45-Double-Unders
15-Ring Push-ups
10-Back Squat 75/115
25-Double-Unders
15-Ring Push-ups
10-Back Squat 75/115
15-Double-Unders
15-Ring Push-up
10-Back Squat 75/115

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